Take It Easy

This new skateboard is so nice! This is such a fun thing to do.

I want to apologize if I have been unloading on people excessively as of late, I need to chill out and quit overthinking things so much. I think I'm just worried about quitting grad school and what that means for the rest of my life, and worries like that tend to worm their way into other things.

In other news, I was remembering this crazy idea I had when I was about 5 or 6 years old. I remember being so convinced (either I convinced myself or someone older than me did) that the next Teenage Mutant Turtle Movie was going to feature the turtles "evolving" and getting rid of their shells. I remember hyping it up so much! I hope noone remembered my hype by the time the next movie came out, else I probably lost a whole lot of elementary school cred. STORY OF MY LIFE.

I've also been thinking more about why I don't feel good doing physics anymore. No matter what anyone says, doing research in theoretical physics requires a significant amount of ego. You have to be confident and ready to disrespect the old guard and you need to believe that you are the one who's going to figure something new out. More importantly, you have to enjoy that sort of interaction. As I've grown older I think I've lost more and more of an "ego" . That is, I don't care about being the one to figure something new out. It's still nice to understand a new idea or have a fresh one, but it doesn't really drive me like it used to. It's fun when everyone tells you you're a smart guy, but that doesn't last. Nor does it really add up to a totally healthy way to go about things. There's a lot of talk about a scientific community, but I've been to conventions -- it's scientific, that's for sure, but a community can't really be based upon a bunch of people bragging to eachother about their latest result. It can also get really old talking about physics ALL the time! I'd rather use these technical skills I've gained to deal with something less tangentially related to the world. Money moves people and people move money. Electrons seem to do whatever the fuck they want. So, I have some ideas. People ideas.